When it comes to finding ways to combat stress, the internet is bursting with advice in the form of articles, listicles, hacks and how-tos.
You’re probably familiar with many of these stress-busting tips and tricks – there’s yoga and breathing techniques. Exercise and working out. Journaling. Getting more sleep. Counting to 10. Therapy. Medication. Meditation. Having a glass of wine. Cutting out alcohol completely. Taking a vacation. Changing careers. The list goes on.
These are all valid ideas, and they do work – to some extent or for some amount of time.
But for most of us, the stress persists.
This Stress Awareness Month, we’re wondering: What would happen if we tried something different altogether? What if we welcomed stress as an expected visitor; a normal, natural response to the human experience?
What if we tried befriending our stress?
Think of befriending stress as a reframe of mindful acceptance. In other words, befriending is the opposite of avoiding, suppressing, or fighting it. Part of the mental anguish we experience around stress is often about the uncomfortable sensations of the stress itself – and the health risks that the stress poses.
“When we move towards stress with care and concern, we create a moment to really listen to what our body is trying very hard to tell us through sensations such as tension, aches, lethargy, and shallow breathing,” says Dr. Elizabeth Meeker, a clinical psychologist and the Senior Director of the NYS TINRC.
“By approaching signs of stress with curiosity, we get to discover what lies beneath the surface of the current moment. This allows us to make the space to check in and create space for new possibilities.”
Stress can also be an opportunity.
“Stress is a normal part of the human experience,” Dr. Meeker says. “While we don’t always have control over what comes our way, we do have the ability to pause, assess, and respond instead of reacting when we encounter stress.”
What does befriending stress look like in practice? Here are a few examples:
Pause, place your hand over your heart, take a breath, acknowledge that this is a difficult moment and that you are doing your best.
Befriending stress is both a practice and a mindset. It can look like slowing down and doing an everyday task mindfully – washing the dishes shifts from just another chore to get done to an experience of noticing your hands in warm soapy water, the sound of dishes getting clean, and a sense of accomplishment when finished.
It can look like intentionally building in moments of joy on a daily basis, such as going outdoors for 5-10 minutes between activities, texting or calling someone who makes you smile, spending time with a pet – and then noticing the shift in your mind and body (release of tension, mind settling, etc.).
Life is challenging, and stress is inevitable. This month, when you feel the woozy rush of anxiety, the tensing of your neck and shoulders, an uptick in your heart rate… pause, take a deep breath (or two or three), and try to welcome your stress as a familiar friend. Listen to what it has to say. And then let it pass.
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-Rumi
The NYS TINRC ENews is produced by CCSI. The views, opinions, and content expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of the New York State Office of Mental Health (NYS OMH).